Straight talkin' (to myself)

You know that feeling when you get a delightful surprise? When something wonderful happens that you had been waiting for for a VERY long time? You wake up out of your negative stupor of self-defeat and Lo and Behold! The thing you swore would never happen actually happens?

Yeah, well that isn't the feeling I'm having right now at all.

Instead I am feeling like a used dishrag that smells like it was in the washer too long and got that "dead animal" smell dried into it. Like I am an old sneaker that stepped in dog doo, and the s*#% stinks! You know what I mean...

Yeah, waiting on submission is painful, like a tooth extraction or like the time I walked through a glass door as a 5 year old. I'm shocked and cold and I feel like crying. (At least that's how I remember it).

No, this feeling is really more of a slow slide into "I knew your novel sucked, why did you think anyone would EVER want to read your stupid book!"

But I digress.

Actually I have nothing to report on the novel front and I am just venting. (sound of crickets***). I know (or I hope I know) that there are people out there who care about my suffering, but being miserable is really only a technique to distract oneself from being bored, or even worse, ANGRY!

"Angry at what", you might ask.

"What have you got?" I say with a wry grin.

There seems to be no end of things to be angry with these days.

The world spins on and my father is still dead.

I will never have my forty year old body again.

My shoulder has a pretty bad rotator cuff tear.

Um...I can think of a few more (less self-oriented things) to list...wait a sec.

Oh, yeah...the world is going crazy and no one can stop it.

The Antarctic Ice cap is calving blocks of ancient rainfall the size of New Hampshire...

I still have to go to work in the Fall. A lot of stuff is wrong.

But mostly, I am doing a TON of genealogical research and its making me miss my father.

Please universe, send me sign that my book will get published in this decade, okay?

Cares out, peace to all (I'm okay...REALLY I am!).